The First Step Starts With A Decision

I don’t do well with boards and committees. I have spent a lot of time with different boards and committees, I have been president of a couple and have served as a cog on many more. As a pastor, a large percentage of my life is working with church boards and committees. I don’t dislike them, but there are times that I get frustrated and annoyed with them. Some of my frustrations come out of the way that we make things more complicated than they have to be, deciding to wrap ourselves in the tentacles of Robert’s Rules or some other form of Parliamentary Procedure. Or it is when we have to create an ad hoc committee to look into the possibility of making a committee to have a board engage in any kind of action. Or the ways that some people just like to hear themselves talk and never really share anything that is helpful or worthwhile or important for the work of the board. All of these things are frustrating and are also a normal part of the life of a board.

            Perhaps what frustrates me the most is how difficult it can be for a board to make a decision. I have sat through many meetings where someone has a good idea and it seems like it should be easy enough for everyone to just say “yes” and to go ahead with the idea until one person says, “but on the other hand….” And right there, the process stops. Even if the person is just playing Devil’s Advocate (a horrible game to play at a board meeting), the process is halted, the chance of actually coming to a decision is halted, and we are stuck in ad hoc committee limbo. In my experience, it is very difficult for boards, non-profit or for-profit, to make a decision.

            I feel like something is lost with the paralysis of decision-making for an organization and for an individual as well. There is something about making decisions, no matter what the decision is, that can give one a sense of moving forward, of stepping into a new space. Many boards and committees seem to collectively fear that commitment of stepping into a new space, of making a choice that could have implications in one way or another. This is a reality of life; when we commit to a decision then we are committed to what may be a new thing and that can be scary. On the other hand, when we don’t make a decision then we are also committed to an old thing and that also can be scary.

            Perhaps not enough time is spent considering how much the decision is a part of an outdoor experience. We spend time thinking about gear and maps and permits, but ne thing that we must have in order to go into the wilderness is that initial and continual decision to actually go. Of course, this assume that we are not be forced into the wilderness, pushed into a van, dropped in the middle of an unknown area, etc. If we are willingly going into a wilderness context, we need to have that moment when we make a decision. We have to decide to go.

            This is not a simple, easy thing, especially if we are not used to being in the middle of the woods, in the mountains, in the desert, or in any other back-country context. The decision is that difficult and first thing we need to embrace.

As I shared in a previous post, for me it always starts with an urge. For example, it was an urge to spend multiple days in the wilderness of the Adirondack park in New York State. I learned about the Northville-Placid trail which traversed 138 miles of the park and I thought it would be a real wonderful thing to walk that trail. I felt that urge. And the decision was not made just at the trailhead, but months before, looking at a book, when going over maps, reading reports of the trail on websites, and then saying “yes,” this is something that I am going to do. I decided that it was not only something that I could do, but something that I wanted to do. I knew that it was going to be a challenge. I assumed that there would be multiple unknowns. But I still decided to hike that trail.

We need to decide to get out of our normal routines, to get out of our usual patterns, and to go into something different.

There is something significant in deciding.

            This is not something that just happens when deciding to go on a backpacking trip or to hike on a trail but with many major decisions. I’m not thinking about the minor, less significant choices that we have to make. We are faced with making decisions every day, but not all of them call us to stop and dwell on the implications that we are facing. We don’t dwell on the terrible weight of deciding to have a sandwich with wheat or white bread. The implications are not that dire. We don’t spend time thinking about which socks to wear or whether to go to work today or not (for the most part). But those major decisions, those major choices that are before us come again and again whether we invite them or not.

            Do we go to college or right to work?

            Do we continue in this partnership as it is, or get married?

            Is it time to move a parent into assisted living?

            Should I look for a new or different job?

            Is it time to make a major change in one’s life?

The possibilities and potentialities loom before us, and we have the opportunity to choose. We have to make decisions that may or may not be informed by an urge. The decisions that emerge out of normalcy, out of the repetition of the mundane are not those that pull at us. Perhaps we change the brand of soap from time to time, or the ways that we structure our morning routine, but these changes are not usually connected with a sense of weight or life-importance.

The thing about those decisions connected with the urge is that they are often steeped in a wish or dream of a possibility. Even if it is only to hike a trail that you have never hiked before, the decision is connected with a sense of excitement as well as a sense of dread or foreboding. The excitement lies in the possibilities that are opening up. It lies in the potential for something new and different. The dread lies in the unknown. It lies in the potential for something for happen, to occur that you may not know about. It is facing the dread, the possibility of the unknown that we are still called to decide.

 I recently was able to venture into the Indian Peaks Wilderness in Colorado. I had never been in that area before, but was taking a group of people and going beforehand to explore the area. I was excited to go to a new and different location, planning and doing my research, and learned that wolves are being reintroduced into that location. I didn’t (and still don’t) have a lot of experience with wolves, and the possibility of encountering one is exciting and a little scary. I know the reality of the risk is low, but the reality of the possibility is what looms in the back of my mind as I consider what might happen. The risk, the unknown, impacted my decision, making me wonder if maybe I should consider going somewhere else and wondering what would happen if I did run into a pack of wolves. I didn’t loose any sleep, but I was anxious for a couple of days. The decision to go to Colorado made the possibility of seeing a wolf a bit more of a reality and that was scary.

Decisions can be scary. The reality of the decision can be scary.

The internal decision to step onto the trail, to go on the hike is the first step. It is that first step after naming and embracing the urge that may have been in the back of your mind for some time. Perhaps it comes out of a conversation with a partner or loved one, or during the long drive home, stuck in traffic, and yearning for something more than the drudgery of the routine. Some will make a decision-tree and consider the opportunity, the costs, the risks, and the rewards and what might change or stay the same before committing. Others may make a “pros and cons” list, putting all that one might lose and all that one might gain on either side of a paper and trying to weigh the possibilities. Or others (and I tend to fall in this category) will go with a “gut” feeling, trusting intuition and believing that everything will work out. Maybe all that is needed is an invitation from someone else. Or maybe all that is needed is that well-placed social media ad (which is almost never the case). Unless you are an adolescent being forced to endure one more family vacation, or on a work-related team-building retreat, the decision to go into the wilderness starts with the individual. It starts internally, with the “yes” to the urge and the lure to be in a different place.

This is life. We have to make decisions, and we should make decisions when faced with the purposeful urge to live and to be. If it is to do something or to do nothing, we are faced with the exciting and overwhelming reality of the importance of our decisions. The excitement of going to a new and different place, the excitement of the dream becoming more of a reality. The excitement of staying where you are, of planting roots, and of being settled.

You make the deposit for the trip, you book the flight, you send in the permit application for the hike, and now the possibility is becoming a reality. The urge is becoming something more, and when you drive by the trailhead, see the mountain or the lake you know that in time you will be there as well. This is the impact of the decision.

      I want to lift up what a significant moment it is to decide. Even if the decision is from the comforts of your home, even if the decision is from a place of current security and comfort, the decision is still real. Maybe you noticed how you felt a weight lifted when you said “yes.” Maybe you noticed how you felt a sense of relief when you said, “no.” The waffling is over and you can now start to prepare and plan. You can now start to live your life. Even if your decision is to do nothing, you can let go of the “what-ifs” and lean into the reality of the now. It is terrifying and it is liberating to finally decide. Now you can take that first step into the unknown and let go of the “what-ifs.”

      I can understand why, at times, boards and committees hesitate and halt from making any kinds of real decisions. I can also understand why for some there is a desire to just push and make a change. Making the decision is scary. Making the decision is exciting.